Memories of green food haunt me. I -- along with my brother and four cousins -- all had mumps on my seventh birthday, which happens to be St. Patrick's Day. In honor of the day, my aunt made a festive dinner -- a challenge for she who couldn't cook. Making matters worse, it was made for a serious contender for the world's most finicky eater. We're talking about food that couldn't touch, and that included breakfast cereal in one bowl and milk in another; peanut butter sandwiches in which bread never made direct contact with its spreadable counterpart.

I've outgrown all that, but I still don't touch food that's green but shouldn't be. Not milk, not mashed potatoes nor anything else that may have appeared at that dinner. However, I have gone on to raise my own finicky eaters. But one thing they all agree on is they love corned beef and cabbage. Of course I'm the only one who makes it even though it is my birthday dinner and people should be cooking for me. (Proof there is no justice in the world.) Luckily, there are lots of places to fill up on this St. Patrick Day's favorite and have some fun this weekend. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

TODAY

Rebecca rules

Everyone is Irish this weekend. Courtesy art

Start the weekend with a bit of craic -- laughs -- when local humorist-writer Rebecca Rule brings her storytelling talents to the Harvey-Mitchell Public Library in Epping tonight. She likes to poke fun at all things New Hampshire in "Better Than a Poke in the Eye." She compares Town Meeting to the last blood sport and covers the joy of getting a dump sticker and other facts of small-town life. The show begins at 7 p.m. and is free and open to the public. The library is located at 151 Main St., Epping. Call 679-5944 for information.

Exploring Irish roots

Shades of Green: Irish Art, Green Beer, the newest exhibit at the Lamprey Arts & Culture Alliance, will be held from 6 to 8 p.m. at Ampers&Gallery in downtown Newmarket. Shades of Green celebrates the Irish roots of more than a dozen artists, with an eclectic mix of paintings, collage, photography and sculpture. There will be Afro-Celtic music, hot hors d'oeuvres, finger foods (compliments of Joyce's Kitchen) and ice cold beer for one terrific evening. Admission is free with a suggested donation of $3.

Saturday

Boiled but not green

Exeter Assembly of God Church will hold its St. Patrick's Day "boiled dinner" from 4:30 to 6 p.m. at the church, 47A Hampton Falls Road, Exeter. Adults $6, children $2.50.

Another corned beef dinner with all the fixings will be held at 5:30 p.m. at First Baptist Church, 2 Spring St., Exeter. Adults $8, children under 10, $4. RSVP: 772-3098. Handicapped-accessible.

The Epping Community Church will hold its St. Patrick's day dinner, featuring a boiled Irish dinner, from 5 to 7 p.m. Saturday at Route 27, 4 Pleasant St., Epping. Donation is $6 per person.

If a boiled dinner isn't what you hanker for, the Kensington Congregational Church is holding a tradition ham and bean supper from 5 to 6:45 p.m. The church is located at Route 150, Kensington. The menu includes two kinds of home-cooked beans, ham, old-fashioned brown bread, rolls, potato salad, cole slaw, home-cooked pies and coffee or milk. Adults $6, children $2.50.

Benefit for Cameo

Friends of the Cameo Beauchesne family will hold a St. Patrick's Day Parent Child Benefit Dance at the Great Bay Athletic Club, 191 Exeter Road, Newmarket, from 6 to 8 p.m.

All proceeds will go to the Cameo Beauchesne Fund, set up to help defray medical and other expenses for the family of the 6-year-old Lee girl who is terminally ill from inoperable and incurable brain cancer. The suggested donation is $7 for adults and $3 for children 3 and older. Children under 3 will be admitted for free. Activities will include dancing and crafts, and a photographer will be there taking pictures.

There will also be a raffle. Tickets for these raffles are $1 or 10 for $5. A $100 ticket raffle is for a week vacation at Sea Dolphin - Beach Club Villa at Seabrook Island, S.C.

Those unable to attend the dance may send a donation to the Cameo Beauchesne Fund c/o Ocean National Bank, PO box 294 Stratham, N.H. 03885.

Tea & scones

The Book Rack will have two local authors with Irish roots at a 2 p.m. reading. Cynthia Neale and Aine Greaney will sign their newest books, "The Irish Dresser" and "The Sheep Breeders." Tea and scones will be served and live entertainment will be provided by an Irish band. The event is free. The Book Rack is located at 52 State St., Newburyport, Mass.

MONDAY

Things that go

Richard Sanborn loves trains in a big way. He'll present "The Age of Trains," a slide/lecture at 7:30 p.m., at the United Church of Christ, Atlantic Avenue, North Hampton (North Hill). The public is invited to attend. Refreshments will be served.

WEDNESDAY

No map route

Jean Shula, author of "Coming of Aging," will discuss her 12-month journey across the United States in which she relied only on her instincts for direction. She had no agenda, schedule, itinerary or rules. She will speak at 7 p.m. at the Mary E. Bartlett Library, 22 Dalton Road, Brentwood. Learn how her inspirational experiences changed her life. Free and open to the public.

Sandra Bradley is always on the look out for a good time. Send your tips and photos to community@seacoastonline.com.